29th

isn’t it tragically funny how
our mind selects the memory

we will keep and which will be

forever discarded in some endless vague space 

and how it chooses the most random moments

to make us remember

for instance I was eating bread today

and I remembered you for some reason

and couldn’t help but cry while eating the bread

until I couldn’t differentiate the taste between the tears and the bread

but the most excruciating hilarious thing is not even this

it’s how because of this all of those things

I was pilling up hoping it would all end up

in the endless vague space came back to life

to haunt me and destroy me

and all of this because of a fucking piece of bread

honestly it’s all so sad because I have so many things to tell you

but I think it isn’t fair to drag you again into my problems

you listened too much actually

I didn’t know how you could do it

deliver so much and get nothing in return

I’m sorry really

I’m still selfish cause in the middle of all this

I wanted to tell you that this happened

and I wanted to tell you so much more

about the things I lived and experienced since we stopped talking

but your kind eyes won’t be there to stare me full of attention

while I try to find my words

and your hands won’t be there to ruffle my hair

while I lay my head on your lap
and your gentle touch won't be there to wipe the tears off my face
not this time

after the bread episode

I went through my phone and read our conversations

and saw our photos together

and for the first time I didn’t feel so bad

I was just, I don’t know, reminiscent of those times

I guess you could say that

I checked you online one last time

it hurts me to see

you’re still hurting

all parts of me wanted to help you

but now we’re back at being strangers

worse than strangers

acquaintances

a discolored version of you

a ghost

I finally deleted your texts

I guess it was time, right?

isn’t it tragically funny how

now you became this poem

and you will never know

(just how I still miss you so)