sinestesia

Sua voz

tem gosto de café fresco

servido num conjunto de xícaras

de cores pastéis

que eu tomo

de pernas cruzadas

vestindo um moletom largo e velho

Sua risada 

é azul bebê

em linhas paralelas

que se transformam em espirais

como os anéis de fumaça

que saem da sua boca

Sua mão no meu peito

me lembra a sensação

de estar enrolado em um cobertor

recém-lavado cheirando a amaciante

de roupas azul

Seu toque

tem som de fogos de artifício

no ano novo

neon explosivo

Seu cabelo bagunçado

tem cheiro de banho

e das coisas mais bonitas do mundo

Seu "tchau"

tem gosto de vodca e algodão-doce

você me fez sinestésico. 

smitten with you

i guess i knew it when we first met
the way you made me laugh
and how you made me feel at ease
like you were telling my anxiety to go away
just by showing your teeth

i knew it the next day
causa i kinda wanted to keep talking to you
and wanted to see you all the time
i knew it when i felt your absence
both physically and emotionally

i knew it when you were honest with me
even though you were worried i was gonna get hurt
but i didn't
i appreciated a little honesty
when all i was used to was fakeness

i knew it when you said let's be boyfriends
and my heart skipped a thousand beats
i knew it when you said we need to talk
and in that moment i was afraid i was already losing you
turns out it was nothing but my mind playing tricks on me
and for the first time i was grateful for that

i knew it when you were having a bad moment
and i felt so helpless
cause i didn't know what to do other than give you the space you needed
and all i wanted to do was to protect you
from everything that was happening inside your head

i knew it when all of a sudden
you drew a heart on my knee
and gave me a ring
made out of blue shoelaces
and i knew it when i thought to myself
these little things have got to be
the most beautiful things someone has ever done to me

i knew it from the way you look at me
with your glittery eyes
and how i adore looking at you inbetween kisses
just to see you smiling
and just to see how you look so cute
going down
all focused and shit

honestly i could spend more words
and just keep going
but i'm going to keep it short
all of the things i said before
that's how i knew

i am completely
smitten
with
you

você é a minha notificação favorita

ultimamente
a gente anda estranho
um gosta do outro
e ninguém fica sabendo
a vontade de falar
é engolida pelo orgulho
que vive aqui dentro
então espero você me chamar
você espera que eu te chame
e ninguém chama
apagada

de vez em quando
abro sua janelinha
e fico vendo
as coisas bobas
que você me manda
que eu gosto tanto
e releio todas as mensagens
uma por uma
e lembro do dia
que recebi cada uma
e a minha reação ao ler
cada uma delas
tudo isso envolve
uma cara rosada
e um sorriso que não fecha

digito seu nome
e você aparece
vejo sua foto
e sua cara de desinteresse
que mexe tanto comigo
apago seu nome
desaparece

muitas vezes
te clico sem nenhuma intenção

é que eu gosto de ver
a bolinha verde
do lado do seu nome

e saber que você tá lá

*escrito em novembro de 2015*

not again

i was fine being on my own, you know

(i swear i was)

i've been with people for too much time to realize i needed to be alone but now you came into my life and it is so strange and so right

(the next thing i know you're living on my mind and you refuse to leave)

i'm sick and i feel like i can throw up at any minute cause my stomach feels weird and my chest hurts my head burns and i want to to scratch my eyes out

(everything in between it fucking hurts)

i can feel you so vividly whispering poetry lines in my ears i can sense your touch and your sweet sticky breath i breathe it all in

(and i can feel the rest while i hold back the tears)

i don't even know what the fuck is going on and i don't know what i'm feeling or why i'm feeling it and i don't understand i'm wondering if you can answer me

(why i can't stop staring at your picture on my phone)

all i can think is this can't be happening to me

not right now

(not again)

collarbones

#1

your kisses were hectic

a beautiful urgency

caused by all of the waiting

then they calmed down

cause we knew that now

we had all the time in the world

to do a lot more

#2

you started playing

with my collarbones

drawing invisible lines

with your fingers

desperate to discover me

like you were a cartographer

analyzing a new map meticulously

and i felt different

i guess that's what they call

falling

in 

love

#3

i watched you fall asleep

in my arms

and you looked so pretty and peaceful

i didn't dare moving a single particle of my body

just to keep watching you

and i felt at ease

knowing that at least in that moment

you were

mine

#4 

your embrace made me feel like

i was part of something

something just ours

and your touch healed

all of my aches

i was fine and

you were the reason why

#5

we were walking

our hands entwined

and all the street lights seemed to smile at us

we were surrounded by all of these people

and they were all eager to go home

when the sign went red

you let go of my hand

just to pull me closer to you 

and you embraced me one more time

and i smiled so sincerely hard

and i felt you were smiling too

the stars along with the rest of the universe were exploding

and i wasn't eager to go home at all

i was already there

poesia da inocência

toda noite em claro

eu penso em escrever você

com caneta, rabiscos e um papel passado

que é pra te deixar ali marcado

pra sempre.

porque toda vez em que eu penso em você

eu vou pra longe

pra terra do nunca e pro país das maravilhas

talvez você seja o meu chapeleiro maluco

o meu peter pan, ou até mesmo meu coelho branco

sempre atrasado pra mim.

você está sempre em meus pensamentos

mesmo quando não está

e eu realmente odeio o sentimento que você provoca em mim

mas eu gosto de você mesmo assim

porque se a chave desses universos fosse uma memória feliz

seria você…

meu pensamento feliz,

meu sentimento mágico. 

*escrito em 2013

the anxiety dance

I’m feeling sad

alone

empty

I can’t help it

The darkness consumes me

invades me

annoys me

And I can’t find the little pieces of light

that I once had here with me

I’m helpless

lost inside myself

I thought that you’d be here by now

but all I can see is them

coming towards me, consuming my soul

All I hear is their voices in my head

loud, pounding

I can’t push them away

I never can push them away

so I just wait

It looks like you won’t be coming today

and I guess it’s okay

If I were you

I would run away from me too

I would run away…

I’m scared of my future

I’m scared of who I will become

I’m scared of you

*escrito em 2013