the breakup song

i am now convinced

i can only love

people from afar

and you're too close to me

i keep fantasizing

about our breakup

the ways you could hurt me

and the ways i could hurt you back

i don't even want to think about that

it's involuntary

sadly it's just how my twisted mind works

i thought we were doomed from the start

not because of you

-i swear that you are one the most

beautiful living creatures

on this planet-

but because of me

and my history of self-destruction

but then i thought

we could be beautiful

you and me

living like we were

in a before movie

but i can't

keep walking and talking to you

for long periods of time

because the truth is

i'm lost

and i don't want to drag you

into this vortex of emptiness

that i'm becoming

i'm sorry for that time

when you asked me

if i was okay

and i said

just hold me

and i cried all

my fears

into you

and didn't say anything

it wasn't fair

i should have said something

i should have said

that i was crying

cause i was so fucking miserable

cause i was sad

and so lonely

even though you were (always) there

comforting me 

i should have said something

literally anything

even "it's not you, it's me"

would work

cause it's true

it really isn’t you, it's all me

but instead

i just watched you

and your pretty eyes filled with worry

and salty tears

i can't do this to you

i am sorry

i (can't)

love

you